a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
