I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
