Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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