dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize