My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
