Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
