yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
