when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?