I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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