i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
