i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.