Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.