Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  Soap is not a condiment

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  (805): Soap is not a condiment http://tfl.nu/gm1k
  Replies (6) Good night (705) Bad night (1138)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'

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  (832): 'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.' http://tfl.nu/5079
  Replies (8) Good night (722) Bad night (2574)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.

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  (989): We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked. http://tfl.nu/falb
  Replies (6) Good night (2906) Bad night (695)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore

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  (480): Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore http://tfl.nu/oifq
  Replies (27) Good night (874) Bad night (5344)
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  (619): View more from California

  You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

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  (619): You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything http://tfl.nu/13bs
  Replies (49) Good night (936) Bad night (6462)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.

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  (321): mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday. http://tfl.nu/054y
  Replies (10) Good night (5222) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.

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  (718): He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race. http://tfl.nu/hbzv
  Replies (28) Good night (6257) Bad night (1169)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  she just took adderol and chased it w dog water

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  (781): she just took adderol and chased it w dog water http://tfl.nu/pwol
  Replies (26) Good night (979) Bad night (5550)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.

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  (678): Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out. http://tfl.nu/slt6
  Replies (8) Good night (541) Bad night (1483)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.

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  (415): She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision. http://tfl.nu/yqhh
  Replies (19) Good night (5271) Bad night (885)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.

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  (215): Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video. http://tfl.nu/ct0i
  Replies (5) Good night (2379) Bad night (829)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Thats for me to know and you to find out.

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  (519): Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning (416): Thats for me to know and you to find out. http://tfl.nu/ors0
  Replies (1) Good night (1274) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

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  (705): I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/bmha
  Replies (3) Good night (702) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."

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  (920): Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth." http://tfl.nu/xs9s
  Replies (1) Good night (710) Bad night (336)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.

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  (207): My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off. http://tfl.nu/aji8
  Replies (1) Good night (659) Bad night (324)

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