Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??