Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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