She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
