i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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