3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
