I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
