areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
