Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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