I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
