ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
