So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
