Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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