he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
