Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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