My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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