margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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