There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
