I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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