I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
