i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
