It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
