well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
