Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
