hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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