From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
