Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
