She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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