Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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