I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
