your room smells of hookers.
And success
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
