i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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