What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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