How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
