I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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