Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
