The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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