He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
