did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
