I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
