I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize