It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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