i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
