there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
