please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
