just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
