when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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