dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
