brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
