the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
