I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize