how can u be prego again
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
