I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
