Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
