in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
