Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
