i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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