May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
