You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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