whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
