So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
