I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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